so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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