so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
