I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
