There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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