she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
