I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
