Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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