my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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