Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
