How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
