carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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