nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
