I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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