i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
