Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
