Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
