i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need water and some morals
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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