im drinking this country out of the recession.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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