That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love having hate sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize