I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
