The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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