yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
