There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
