I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
