Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
