Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
