12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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