Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
