Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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