he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
