Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
