i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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