I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
