Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
