i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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