Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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