im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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