Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you will always have a special place in my vag
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
