I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
