also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
