Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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