Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will pee on everything he values.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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