Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
