My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
