He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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