White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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