I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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