Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
