I bet he comes in French.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize