he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize