Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
