Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
