I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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