There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize