I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
