you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
