I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
