Me too!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
