I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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