Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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