Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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