I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
