Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
