I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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