I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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