Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
