can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize