dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
