then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
