Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
