He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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