I skipped work to stalk him.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
