I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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