So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize