I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
