chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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