I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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