I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
