you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
