I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
