I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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