my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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