you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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